Trying To Shift, The Clutch Is Sticking

I haven’t updated in quite a while, but the genuineness behind that is, not much has occurred. (Well, not much that I think has been blog-worthy) Its been the same, unchanged things, day in and day out; exertion through occupation, consume some food, hit the sheets, replicate. Therefore, since I have no extravagant adventures to share, nor any stories that are great in themselves… I’ve resolved to bring you up to date on my monotony.

I’m jammed in neutral.

No matter how you look at it, or in what facet of my life: neutral. Neutral is all I’ve got. I’m not inadvertently heading backwards, but I’m not progressing forwards either.

Work is…. Work. I’m absolutely satisfied with my position, my staff, and my role as a leader. But…. (there’s always a “but”) I am completely burned out after weeks of working five 12+ hour days. I am tired of successfully running myself (and my staff) into the ground for the sole reason of: we don’t have the “bed space” to sufficiently staff the hospital. I am above the fact that some people here think that they are far more enlightened or more spiritual (or whatever may be the case) than others. I am completely turned off by the egos that rule my daily life.

Spiritually, its not going so good either. With almost daily devotionals that are slightly undermined with the word “required”, one would think that I was getting my fill. Truth is, I’m not, I’m not even close. Its, by far, not deep enough. I’m not being challenged. I’m not being required to push further. There’s no thought provoking subjects. Don’t get me wrong, I realize this happens to all of us. There are always mountains and valleys in all areas of life. But, in turn, that’s what scares me… God and I were wholly good until about a week ago. Now, I’m starting the decent into a valley. Why is this scary? For the few of you who know me well, you know that my last valley sustained for quite some time, about a year and a half. I don’t want that again. I can’t do that again. A valley like that, while in Africa, (I feel) could do great immeasurable harm. Scary? HECK YES IT IS!

It is human nature to strive for continuity, to want routine in life, to “know” what you’re doing. I can not remember a time when this has applied to me. Regardless of being in West Africa, living with 400 people that I originally did not know, and eating foods that sometimes don’t agree with my American digestive system (all things that are NOT considered normal to the average person), all I want is some excitement – something to become alive about. This, all of this, its become the new norm. This is what I am comfortable with, and all of you dedicated/long-term people in my life… you know I don’t do well with sitting and dwelling in my comfort zone.

On the up side, there is something that keeps me going. On a bi-weekly basis, one of my favorite patients returns to the ship for post-operative check ups. This little girl’s glowing, asymmetrical face is preceded by the pounding of her running feet up the corridor to my work place. I hear the stomping of small feet come to a slow and I know to fix my eyes towards the door. Its not seconds later I see her, walking with a strong purpose towards me, and she greets me with one of the most valuable hugs I have ever received. Every time I see her, every time, I can’t help but think how scared I was for her as she was going in for her first surgery. Every time I see her, every time, I am utterly thankful that she is alive.


Tomorrow is Monday, again. I don't want to be syndicated. I want this week to be the start of an uphill climb from the valley. So, until next time....

All The Comforts Of Home

Easter, comparable to birthdays, has been confirmed a holiday that must been enjoyed in another country. This Easter weekend, I had the opportunity to venture to Togo (a neighboring country to Benin) and enjoy Easter dinner with Dr. James, a Maxillo-Facial surgeon in the capital city, Lome.
The events start off at 8pm, with an assembly of two doctors, a lawyer, a United Nations Chief, their significant others, and the three nurses I arrived with. At first, this thought made me nervous, I mean, wow – a summit of the minds…. and me. Just as promptly as the nervousness came, it went. The night was filled with haphazard miscommunication due to a majority of our first languages not being English, and a variety of good, deep, non-superficial conversation…. all over wine, naturally.
Easter dinner was an exquisite array of delectable African foods. The first course was a shrimp salad with boiled eggs and avocado in a white sauce along with incredible French bread. The second course was your selection of either chicken or fish, fried plantains, rice, and a beef/tomato/pepper mix to add to the rice. The final course was a mixture of fresh cut fruits…… with a shot of Cognac.
About midnight, we determined it was probably time to go home…. We load into a Nissan Path Finder! Yes indeed, an American Car, an AUTOMATIC American Car! For those of you who haven’t been outside of the country, you have no idea what a special thrill this contains in itself. When you punch the gas, you actually GO…. was absolutely delightful to go 80 MPH down an open road!
On Monday, Dr. James gave us a tour of his hospital in Lome. The hospital contains 1,200 beds for 8 Operating Rooms. He and three other Ear/Nose/Throat doctors share one of the ORs. He had a meeting later on in the morning, so we had to entertain ourselves at the hospital. We did so by aimlessly wondering around, looking at signs we could not properly understand due to them having been in French, and sitting in one of Dr. James’ lecture rooms.









Once he was done with his meeting, we went out for lunch to a Lebanese restaurant. There we enjoyed hummus, schawarmas, and coke. Easter 2009, along with my 2007 Liberian Birthday are two holidays that I will on no account forget. God has put some amazing people into my life; people who help me make a home away from home. For them, I am truly blessed.

All The Comforts Of Home
1-Wine With Dinner
2-A Home Cooked Meal
3-Cognac With Dessert
4-Sitting Around, Talking
5-Nissan Path Finder, Automatic, 80 MPH
6-Tour Of A Hospital
7-Sitting In A Lecture Room
8-Lebanese Food! :)

"You'll Never Believe What I Have For You Next!"

Upon recent conversation with a friend, I find myself left with the question…. Who has more of an effect on me here? The people I work with, or the people I serve? One would like to think that its all about Who you serve, which, in the mission field plays a huge role. But, consequently, the day to day to-do lists and roles often down play this agenda and you are left with what is in front of you, literally. So, for both sides of the argument…..
The people that I work with are astonishing people, most are intelligent beyond what they can actually perform here. We represent over 40 countries worldwide, yet all live in the same metal box – and things work out, they run unbelievably smoothly at times. As my friend put it, “Its like we have gathered all the crazy people who want to work in Africa, and we put them all together.” We are nothing but a positive feedback loop. We continue to thrive off one another in both a directly and indirectly positive way. Everyone is stressed, everyone is tired, and everyone sees the need that they can just not work hard enough to satisfy… but all of that keeps us going. We also see one surgeon performing X number of surgeries a day, which causes another surgeon to want to do X number more. Never, in the developed world, would people work as hard as they do here, never in the developed world would people follow-up on their patients like they do here, and never in the developed world would people develop relationships with patients as they do here. As he said, “Just a bunch of crazy people, all thrown together.”

On the other hand, there has to some something about the culture, something indescribable effects you। Personally, I think it goes back to the fact that you grow like the people you love. In spite of of the fact that I am a person of cold-climate, and regardless that I have been trained to not care (beyond medically important) for the patient, I have developed a love for the patients here. Never have I felt the love that I receive from a baby who’s cleft lip we corrected from a patient at home. The way that they snuggle into you, even when they can’t protect their own airway. The way that they find comfort in your arms, even through their post-surgical pain. They way that they trust you regardless of everyone having abandoning them due to their deformity. Never have I seen a women progress through a complete transformation, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually like I have with the VVF ladies. Where these women can once again become a part of society, and to herself: an actual human being. You can’t help but love on these patients. You can’t help but develop relationships. You can’t help but be changed.
God has been doing amazing, amazing things in my life. He finally hit me upside the head with a 2X4 to wake me up, but, nonetheless, I am awake, I am alive, I am here. He has brought some amazing people into my life here, people who have helped me to grow, people who have helped me trust, people who have helped me to conquer. He has also returned valuable people to me once again. People who have been good friends, through thick and thin. People who will be here in the now, and there in the future. Life here in Africa is trying at times, but fulfilling and full of adventure. So, what is my answer to this question? Africa. Its all about being here, living in the presence of God. Being where He wants me to be without questioning. Being here even though close friends and family find it hard. Being here, even though I find it hard.
God has already shown me some amazing things, and even more exciting, He is saying, “Just wait…. You’ll never believe what I have for you next!”