1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? .
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. People who forward e-mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies, quit laughing!)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
A Day In The Life..... of the operating room
In 6500 B.C., some guy looked at his sick friend and said, “I have an idea. Why don’t I drill a hole in your skull? It’ll make you feel better.”
Thus, surgery was born.
It takes a certain brand of crazy to come up with an idea like drilling into somebody’s skull, but surgery staff (I'm sure) have always been a confident bunch. We usually know what we’re doing. And when we don’t, we still act like we do.
We walk boldly into undiscovered country, plant a flag, and start ordering people around. It’s invigorating, and terrifying.
We like to think we’re fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences. But the fact is, we’re always terrified.
Maybe the terror is part of the attraction.
Some people go to horror movies, we cut things open, dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what you’d rather hear about?
If you’ve got one drink, and one friend, and forty-five minutes… smooth rides make for boring stories. A little calamity, that’s worth talking about.
Thus, surgery was born.
It takes a certain brand of crazy to come up with an idea like drilling into somebody’s skull, but surgery staff (I'm sure) have always been a confident bunch. We usually know what we’re doing. And when we don’t, we still act like we do.
We walk boldly into undiscovered country, plant a flag, and start ordering people around. It’s invigorating, and terrifying.
We like to think we’re fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences. But the fact is, we’re always terrified.
Maybe the terror is part of the attraction.
Some people go to horror movies, we cut things open, dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what you’d rather hear about?
If you’ve got one drink, and one friend, and forty-five minutes… smooth rides make for boring stories. A little calamity, that’s worth talking about.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Background
It's evident You run the show,
So let me back down.
You take the leading role,
And I'll play the background.
I know I miss my cues,
Know I forget my lines.
I'm sticking to Your script,
And I'm reading all Your signs.
I don't need my name in lights.
I don't need a starring role.
Why gain the whole wide world,
If I'm just going to loose my soul.
My ways aren't purified,
I'll live according to Your Word.
I can't endure this life,
Without Your wisdom being heard.
Listen up all you dancers
For the pop stars,
Because we all play the background,
But mine's a Rock Star.
So if you need me,
I'll be stage right.
Praying the whole world,
Will start embracing stage fright.
So let me fall back,
And stop giving my suggestions.
Because when I follow my obsessions
I end up confessing,
That I'm not that impressive,
Matter of fact I'm who I are,
A trail of star dust
Leading to the Superstar.
I had a dream that
I was captain of my soul,
I was master of my fate,
Lost control, and then I sank.
So I don't want to take the lead,
Because I'm prone to make mistakes.
All these folks that follow me,
Going end up in the wrong place.
So, just let me shadow You,
And just let me trace Your lines.
Matter of fact just take my pen,
Here, You create my rhymes.
Because if I do this by myself,
I'm scared that I'll succeed.
And no longer trust in You,
Because I only trust in me.
And see, that's how you end up
Headed to destruction,
Paving a road to nowhere,
Pour your life out for nothing.
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing,
You know what's in my hand.
Me, I just roll to trust You,
You cause the dice to land.
I'm in control of nothing,
Follow You at any cost.
Some call it sovereign will,
All I know is You are the boss.
I'm so at ease. I'm so content.
I play the background like it's an instrument.
I know I'm safest when,
I'm in Your will and trust Your word.
And I know I'm dangerous when,
I trust myself, my vision blurred.
And I don't have time,
To play life's foolish games.
I have plenty of aims,
But do they really glorify Your name?
And it's a shame the way
I want to do these things for You, yet,
Don't even cling to You.
Take time to sit and glean from You.
It seems that You were patient
In my ignorance.
If ignorance is bliss,
Its because they've never heard of this.
I could play the background.
Because I know sometimes I get in the way.
So won't You take the lead.
And I can play the background.
And You can take the lead.
So let me back down.
You take the leading role,
And I'll play the background.
I know I miss my cues,
Know I forget my lines.
I'm sticking to Your script,
And I'm reading all Your signs.
I don't need my name in lights.
I don't need a starring role.
Why gain the whole wide world,
If I'm just going to loose my soul.
My ways aren't purified,
I'll live according to Your Word.
I can't endure this life,
Without Your wisdom being heard.
Listen up all you dancers
For the pop stars,
Because we all play the background,
But mine's a Rock Star.
So if you need me,
I'll be stage right.
Praying the whole world,
Will start embracing stage fright.
So let me fall back,
And stop giving my suggestions.
Because when I follow my obsessions
I end up confessing,
That I'm not that impressive,
Matter of fact I'm who I are,
A trail of star dust
Leading to the Superstar.
I had a dream that
I was captain of my soul,
I was master of my fate,
Lost control, and then I sank.
So I don't want to take the lead,
Because I'm prone to make mistakes.
All these folks that follow me,
Going end up in the wrong place.
So, just let me shadow You,
And just let me trace Your lines.
Matter of fact just take my pen,
Here, You create my rhymes.
Because if I do this by myself,
I'm scared that I'll succeed.
And no longer trust in You,
Because I only trust in me.
And see, that's how you end up
Headed to destruction,
Paving a road to nowhere,
Pour your life out for nothing.
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing,
You know what's in my hand.
Me, I just roll to trust You,
You cause the dice to land.
I'm in control of nothing,
Follow You at any cost.
Some call it sovereign will,
All I know is You are the boss.
I'm so at ease. I'm so content.
I play the background like it's an instrument.
I know I'm safest when,
I'm in Your will and trust Your word.
And I know I'm dangerous when,
I trust myself, my vision blurred.
And I don't have time,
To play life's foolish games.
I have plenty of aims,
But do they really glorify Your name?
And it's a shame the way
I want to do these things for You, yet,
Don't even cling to You.
Take time to sit and glean from You.
It seems that You were patient
In my ignorance.
If ignorance is bliss,
Its because they've never heard of this.
I could play the background.
Because I know sometimes I get in the way.
So won't You take the lead.
And I can play the background.
And You can take the lead.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"Blessings"
We pray for blessings, We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plead
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us, When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart that this is not our home
What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life: The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plead
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us, When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart that this is not our home
What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life: The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Fairy Tales < Reality
We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods.
The shoe fits Cinderella... The frog turns into a prince... Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss.... Once upon a time.... And then they lived happily every after.
Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don’t come true.
It’s the other stories. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.
The person that invented the phrase “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked – so hard.
Once upon a time... Happily ever after....
The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don’t come true. Reality is much stormier, much murkier, much scarier.
Reality. It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after.
The shoe fits Cinderella... The frog turns into a prince... Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss.... Once upon a time.... And then they lived happily every after.
Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don’t come true.
It’s the other stories. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.
The person that invented the phrase “Happily ever after,” should have his ass kicked – so hard.
Once upon a time... Happily ever after....
The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don’t come true. Reality is much stormier, much murkier, much scarier.
Reality. It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Mission Statement
I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which came to me as a seed goes to the next as a blossom and that which came to me as a blossom, goes on as a fruit.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Re-run.... On Call
Most medical professionals grow up being freaks.
While other kids play outside, we hole up in our rooms memorizing the periodic table, huddling for hours over our junior microscopes, dissecting our first frogs.
Imagine how surprised and relieved we were when we grew up and found out there were others out there just as freaky as we were.
Same microscopes, same dead frogs, same inexplicable urge to take human beings apart.
Nobody chooses to be a freak.
Most people don't even realize they're a freak until it's way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you, unless, of course, they've already moved on.
Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever.
While other kids play outside, we hole up in our rooms memorizing the periodic table, huddling for hours over our junior microscopes, dissecting our first frogs.
Imagine how surprised and relieved we were when we grew up and found out there were others out there just as freaky as we were.
Same microscopes, same dead frogs, same inexplicable urge to take human beings apart.
Nobody chooses to be a freak.
Most people don't even realize they're a freak until it's way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you, unless, of course, they've already moved on.
Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever.
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